Some thoughts on attachment

I think I have have talked about attachment with some of you but it is a big deal with adoption so I thought I would write a little about it. I have read a ton of books on this subject, researched online and we have been to a few FCC (familes with children from China) meetings on it. It seems scary at first, but I am confident it will be just another stage we work through.

Attachment is the process that a mother-father-baby go through where the baby learns that their needs will be met. It is a process that all babies go through. When a baby is in an orphanage where their needs are not always met they are deprived of this important stage and it can have some effects once they are with their new parents.

The younger the baby is when they are adopted there is less chance of having a serious condition like reactive attachment disorder.

The important thing with attachment is that the parents are the primary care givers. That means changing diapers, bathing, feeding, putting down for the night, soothing and comforting etc.

The good news is that most baby's from China attach fairly quickly but it is something to keep in mind when you visit us after Scarlett is home. You will all of course get to spend time with her, play with her etc. But it is a good idea to remember that bulk of care will need to come from Andy and me, till we feel like she is attaching to us then we can get some help. We will probably need it by then!

The first link is pretty powerful. It think it gives a good idea on what it would be like to be adopted internationally.

http://www.emkpress.com/perspective.html

http://www.emkpress.com/whygrandma.html

http://www.emkpress.com/wishwehadknown.html

I have read about some adoptive parents struggle with family and friends who have great advice and want to be supportive but don't really understand the work the adoptive parents and child are trying to do. For instance, the old adage 'let them cry it out' to get a baby to sleep is not recommended at all for children who are trying to attach. It can actually undo a lot of the work you have done up to that point.

I guess what I am trying to say is there may be times when it seems like we are 'spoiling' Scarlett but in reality we will be trying to help her understand that we will always be there for her.
Enough on that for today... I have a bunch of good books if anyone is interested let me know!!