China food for thought

There was a great post on RQ the other day about why it's important for us to know about Chinese history as adoptive parents. But her post had something more important in it, and that's what I want to talk about. She talked about how our perspective on China affects our kids. Sometimes we forget when we are talking about things in front of the kids that they are little sponges soaking up everything we say.

You can read the post here:

http://chinaadopttalk.com/2010/12/02/is-chinese-history-important-for-us-a-parents-to-learn/

For me the most important part of the post was this: "Why is it important she understand both perspectives? Because she is both American and Chinese. An American citizen of Chinese heritage. If she hates or is disgusted by anything Chinese, then that is going to filter into her self perception, her self worth, her self identity. If she learns that the Chinese (as a people) are gross or disgusting or cruel or whatever, then as a child that is going to be incorporated into the Chinese parts of how she sees herself. I have to help her feel good about all of the parts that make up who she is, so that when she’s older and she chooses how she wants to self identify, it will be from an educated standpoint and not an ignorant one. I’m not going to gloss over the tough stuff, but I am going to explain it with perspective. I cringe when people talk about chicken feet and pig intestines on the menu in China as if it is less than civilized, or when they talk about the squattie potties as if they are something only a primitive people would use. Many say these things with their children listening, and have no idea the ideas their children are getting about their birth country when they say these things with disgust or disdain. Yes, as a vegetarian I’m disgusted by many of the things on the menu, but I also appreciate that they are making use of all of the parts of the animal that gave it’s life. And for a society with mass starvation in it’s recent history, is it so surprising that they make such good use of the available edible parts? And I prefer squattie potties in public – most women “hover” anyway, it’s just that much easier to hover over the squattie’s."

When I was thinking about what RQ said here, I realized that I have been kind of negative about our recent trip to China. When folks have asked me about our trip I haven't emphasized the amazing things we saw, but rather just complained about how dirty everything, crowded, the pollution etc. We saw some amazing things, the Shoalin temple for example was great, it was beautiful and the home to Kung Fu, Wow! The 6 banyan tree temple and getting the children's blessing from the monks was beautiful and touching. I need to reframe how I talk about China and our trip. There are things that are challenging there, but there are also things challenging here on our own home turf. Our kids are at the age where the soak in everything and then it usually gets repeated back to us... I want both our kids to be proud that they arefrom China and not have us taint that our make them feel bad.

Anyway... that's my food for thought today!